Reveal

My dearest Joey,

One day, I will disappear completely. The letters will mean nothing. The world will get tired of me. You will get tired of me. I will get tired of myself. And I, I will never get tired of you. For you, there will be no endings. I will say your name over and over like a refrain, like a prayer to no one. That I’ll be a flower the one you’ll never pick, I’m will endure the breathless waiting till boundaries disappear.

With nothing to do, I make new constellations. Images of you as I remember--dancing, sitting, walking. There are stars from a different view but still, I see nothing but you. Bloooming like a flower, swaying like a leaf. I once watched you sleep beside me. It was dark and that darkness is deeper now. Tonight in my dreams I will see you.I need you. I can feel right here beside me.Only to know that you're mine.Like a kite, I’ve given myself up to the wind, and make friends with the sun. Confused with the birds with strange and distant voyages. But it is you that ties that thread and holds me down. Like a kite, I will forever hold your hand and with the burning longing in your hands, I surrender

I will never get tired of you. For you, there will be no endings. I will say your name over and over like a refrain, a prayer to no one. I know I will never get far, and there’s no need for my return. Only travellers leave, I've never been a traveller, for I have never left, I'm lost simply, willing to be in a place tha I’ve never been. And will never be, of all destinations. I longed to be lost in the fields of gray hair. Lost upon your touch, cause you’re already mine. You are my will live. My life started when I loved you and that’s how I want it to end

Yours forever,

Dice

Weekend in New England

• Last night, I waved goodbye
• Now--it seems years I'm back in the city
• Where nothing is clear
• But thoughts of me--holding you
• Bringing us near
• And tell me
• When will our eyes meet
• When can I touch you
• When will this strong yearning end
• And when will I hold you again?
• Time in New England Took me away
• To long rocky beaches --and you, by the bay
• We started a story
• Whose end must now wait
• And, tell me
• When will our eyes meet
• When can I touch you
• When will this strong yearning end
• And when will I hold you again?
• I feel the change comin' --
• I feel the wind blow I feel brave and daring!
• I feel my blood flow
• With you I could bring out
• All the love that I have --With you there's a heaven
• So Earth ain't so bad And tell me When will our eyes meet
• When can I touch you
• When will this strong yearning end
• And when will I hold you … again … again?

Astounding Dilemma

Expect the most unexpected.

The events were too fast. It happened swiftly that I wasn't able to recognize my path. I was overly controlled my my feelings. I just see that bigger picture of it, not the simple details which makes everything complicated, worse, hurting. I'm too good to accept favors without expecting anything in return. I'm always like that, fo as long as i have the time, I will devote my time to someone who needs myself very badly.

Contrary to what other people said about me, I'm not that inconsiderate. It's that i'm acting like I'm one. But the truth of the matter is.. mataay lang talaga ako.

Minsan ko ng ipinangako sa sarili ko na I will never let this weakness control my life. Especially now that I'm in the most crucial part of my studies. I don't have to blame anybody. Afterall, feelings ang pinag-uusapan dito. Damdamin in other words. Halos ilang buwan din akong nagmukmok kung bakit wala akong lovelife. At sa di malamang kadahilanan, tinanggap ko yun.

But there are events that would remind you love back the peson you thought nakalimutan mo na. Hindi mo maiwasang maalala ang mga sandaling hawak niya ang mundo mo. Hindi mo iisipin ang mga sandaling pinaiyak ka niya.

When Joey revealed to me that he is having an affair with someone, Tinanggap ko ito ng buong-buo. Although nasaktan ako, na para bang matatalo pa ang mga bagyong dumaan sa Luzon the pat weeks. Napag-iisip-isip ko na its about time to let go of him. Let go na wala nang kami, wala ng tayo. Magkalimutan na! Bawal maging friends, bawal mag contact at iba pa.

Sa kabilang banda, naiisip ko rin kung paano na siya kung wal ako? I don't want to blame myself kung mabagsak siya sa course niya.

Peo maninindiganako this time. PINILI NIYA ANG IBA, PWES, WALA NG MAMAMAGITAN SA AMING DALAWA. MATIRA NA LANG ANG MATIBAY...

I HOPE KAYA KO 'TONG PANINDIGAN..

AMEN.

Because I'm just a Tutor at wala ng Iba pa.

Today is just another Dejavu. I can't remember when it happened. But the events were predictable, and somehow the emotions were exactly the same. A year or so, I felt the same way. I'm jealous why those people you considered so special are the ones who actually take you for granted. I'm mad because I cannot admit the reality that things will never be the same again; that at the end of the day, it would be my loss if i'll continue to pretend that i will not get hurt in the end.

Ewan ko ba kung bakit hindi magawang magalit o kamuhian man lang siya. Hindi ko pa rin matanggap na we can never be together. Galit ako because i still love him kahit alam kong masasaktan lang ako. If love is sweeter the secont time around, then mas masakit then ito the 2nd time around. pabalik balik ko mang isulat to dito, at kahit ilang space pa ang maubos ko sa kakasulat ng litseng feelings kong ito, i would still act tanga, gaga, boba..et al.

I dont't know bakit hindi ako dinalaw ng antok kagabi. Hindi ko alam kong bakit iniisip ko siya lagi. Hindi ko alam kong bakit ayaw niya magtext, o talagang magtetext lang sya pagkailangan niya ako. Why am I complaining? Gaga pala ako eh, Kaya lang naman ako pumayag maging tutor niya kasi, gusto ko lang tulungan siaya. Secondary na yung mapalapit sa kanya. Sa pagiging lukaret ko, hindi ko na inisip na tao pa rin ako, at kahit ano pang masasakit na nangyari sa aming dalawa, maari pa ring magbalik ang aking damdamin para sa kanya.

Gusto kong umiyak kagabi kasi hindi ko pa rin matanggap na may mahal na siyang iba. Yes, serious talaga na meron na siya. I don't want to ask, because hindi ko business mang usisa sa personal niyang buhay. At professional yung relationship namin sa isa't isa. Sa makatuwid, I'm just a tutor. at wala akong karapatang, magtanong.

Minsan, tinatanong ko kay Lord, kung bakit ba ako naging bakla. I'm not shy kung bakit. Ang hindi ko lang maintindihan kung bakit hindi ako pwedeng mahalin. Bakit hindi pwede maging kami. Kung matuturuan ko lang ang puso kong maging somebody who can love another individual na hindi labag sa mata ng Diyos at maa ng tao, matagal ko na sanang ginawa. Kailangan ko lang daw magtiyaga, pero hanggang kailan? hanggang kailan ako masasaktan, hanggang kailan ako magdurusa.

Ang dami ko ng isinakripisyo para sa kanya. Becaue naniniwala ako sa unconditional love. Wala akong hinininging kapalit, but hindi ko maiwasang magselos at masaktan.

Bakit hindi ako pwedeng lumigaya, dahil ba tutor lang ako?

Love is sweeter the second time around

There are things in life that you cannot hold on forever, no matter how much you fight for it. Sometimes destiny isn't always good, it becomes playful. When you meet someone you learned to love, you thought that it was destiny who made your paths cross. But what if making your paths cross is just part of the game that the playful destiny create? Making you realize in the end that the person you thought that was destined for you wasn’t really meant to stay, but only destined to make you feel loved and leave you when you've already fallen..."

Here we go again. I'd like to believe that i have moved on, but I was wrong. All these time I thought that he was already buried in the grave. I thought I don't need him. And I thought..... I pretended to be alright and okay. True, there were times that I was able to convinced myself that at long last, he's no longer part of me. But along the line where i thought that i have to discover myself, he was still a big part of me. I would not say that I cannot live without him for it is never true. I would say life is happier with him.

I never complained why all these things happened. Why I met him, and worse why i fell in love with him. Yes, He was my first love. He was the one who made me feel that i have the right to love, to be happy. And he was also the one who took those rights away from me. For months, I cursed him, And I regret the day that i met him. There were so many people involve in the story. I have offended so many people and dprived them the right to apologized.

But old sayings is always true, First love never dies.It still burns like a midnight candle. It still lights my path towards happiness. I don't know much on how to define happiness, all i know is that i'm hapy with him.

There were still issues left unanswered. Though it hurts, and it almost shattered my world, I accepted that everything happens in me, nmay it be positive or negative-- they all happen for a reason.

Today, we're still going out together. We still did the things we used to do before. We still care for each other. I accepted his offer to by his tutor. I accepted it because i want to be happy again. I want to feel love the second time around. I want to see him and be there for him in times he need me most. I want to be with him throughout his academic journey. I'm not afraid that in the long run, i would be left behind. I'm not afraid because i'm happy. I'm not afraid because at least i experienced how to love. I'm not afraid if he will love me bac, because I'm not expecting anything in return.

The only thing I do is to live with my dream and desire that he is mina and mine only. I want to assume that we are lovers. That he is commited to me and so do i. I want to assume that he rides me home because he wants me to be safe from harm. I want to tell him that i love him, but how can I, if he's only a dream that will never come true.
Today, I love him. Tomorrow i still love him and for the days more to come.

sophomoric fever is over

I don't know on how on hell did i pass my communication courses.I feared and endlessly worried on how to balance everything last sem, and gotcha, ! i made it. And at long last, sophomoric fever is over. A step higher this time. With four majors, and some boring electives, I can plan out already how to commit a suicide in case things won't work out for me. I have to read a million pages to pass my courses, and oopppss.. i hate reading. its the worst thing that i can ever do. other than that, i am more worried on how to get millions of pesos for photocopies, books, printing and too many others to mention. humm....

Another challenge , another sem, another year, another beginning. i hope matapos na ang lahat, because the more i think of it, iniisip ko pa lang, kumakalam na ang sikmura ko.

holding on a memory

I tried not to let him go, i tried to hold on him, I tried and tried until every part of me was broken. I tried hard to remain the same, but it just didn't work out.

While i still have dignity left for myself, i have to forget all these things that i have in mind. I have to forget his laughs, his jokes and boring moments with him. I have to forget his image, his visage and his physionomy. I just have to.

He came into my life just after a heartbreak. The events were so fast that i forgot that i was still in the stage of healing and recovering. I did not noticed that i'm already learning to like him. And it was not my intention to like him. It was by accident that i felt something for her. I thought about him every now and then. I became so freak and tried to avoid falling for him. I was so blind for the past months trying to forget him.

It's been a year, and finally i let go of him. He was just a memory. He was just an instrument to make me realize that life is not about holding on all the time, sometimes, we have to give up and forget. Forget the things that will never happen. Forget, that i have to be loved, cause i was born to be alone.. by all means alone.

Maalaala Mo Kaya??

I'm ruthless. I don't want to be one, but i am.

May mga pagkakataon lang talaga na halos di makain ng aso ang ugali ko. I admit that. I'm used to the reaction of people asking KINSA NA SI ROLAND DICEN? ah, katong maldita. snob. et al... I can't blame them, that's how they look at me. That's there first impression. At nirespeto ko yun. It takes time to know one. Kung sa bagay wala pang nakaalam sa tunay na storya ng buhay ko. maaring marami akong kaibigan, which i believe kokonti lang., peeo ni isa sa kanila walang alam sa tunay na pagkatao ko. As much as i want to tell them, but i can't. natatakot ako na baka mawala sila sa buhayko. Although i don't care sa reactions nila, pero takot pa rin ako. takot akong mawalan ng mga taong in one way or another nagpapaligaya sa akin.

Lumaki ako sa mundong higit pa sa kwentong pang MMK. Kinagisnan ko na lahat ng pang-aapi sa buhay. gusto ko mang isulat dito,pero hindi ko magawa, anybody can read and get access of this. Hindi koikinahihiya ang kwento ko. I'm proud because i reach this far. I'm proud because ni minsan hindi ako sumuko sa laban ng buahy. I'm proud dahil nakita ko kung gaano ako katatag sa lahat ng dagok. At wala akong pinagsisihan na napagdaanan ko ang nga karanasang yaon, because i wouldn't be who i am today.

Hindi man marami ang naaalala ko sa aking nakaraan, pero mnakikita ko pa rin kung paano ko hinubog ang aking sarili bilang isang tao. Grade One ako noon. I'm behind ng isang taon sa normal grade one student. I got sick na halos hindi ako makalakad. sabi ng mama ko, milagro raw na nakalakad ako after inflected with polio. Alalang-alala ko pa kung paano ko binigkas ang mga unang abakada. masaya ako when i'm in school. kasi lago akong tinatawag ng teacher ko. May mga pagkakataon ring pumalpak ako. Minsan, oral recitation noon ng abakada na walng kopya. kaso, hindi ko memoryado ang abakada. nagtago ako sa ilalim ng desk at umiyak.. typical grade one nga.. pagkatapos ng taon, masaya naman, first honors ako, dahil laging absent ang dapat sanang first honors. buti na lang always present ako.

Grade two. Kaklase ko ang lahat ng mga matatalino sa school. section A. hindi ko masyadong nagustuhan ang buhay ko rito. Ang daming favoritism. Ang mga classmates ko laging nagdadala ng mga mama nila sa school. kulang na lang papasukin ang mga magulang nila sa loob ng classroom. Tapos, ang teacher ko, laging tumatanggap ng mga kung ano anong ibinibigay ng mga magulang. Corrpution talaga. first hon. men. ako. Ok lang at least hindi buntot ng buntot ang mama ko sa school.

Grade three. Naging teachers pet ako. halos gawin aakong katulong ng teacher ko. kulang na lang sabihin niyang punta ka sa bahay ko, umuwi kasi maid ko sa probinsya. akalain niyo pinabibili niya ako ng mga ititinda niya sa loob ng classroom during class hours. pero ayos lang, pag may exam sa ang mga classmates ko, perfect naman ako. galing noh? dahil gahaman din ang teacher ko sa binibigay ng mga parents, naging 2nd hon. men. ako.

Grade 4 ko nalaman na girlalou ako. unang tumibok ang puso ko kay Janus Cedrick Grapa. cute pa niya noon. hindi gaya ngayon na mukha niya parang si fernando poe..... ipagpapatuloy

thoughtless

to my dearest piggy bank ROY

hindi mo lang alam kung gaano ako kabaliw sayo. i don't know kung bakit ang laki ng paghanga ko sayo. basta ang alam ko masaya ako pag nakita kita. sayang nga lang first year ka pa. sobrang bata mo para sa akin. pero ang sabi nila age doesnt matter. pero, i'd like to refute on it. age matters talaga. ewan ko ba, wala lang talaga ankong maiisip na isusulat. basta ang alam ko honor ako. at may praktis kami mamaya sa filipino. nakakapagod nga eh. pero gusto kong matulog, pero, huwag na muna. kakain pa ako. baw...

A True Rizalian

I'm always fascinated on how Ambeth Ocampo write articles about our national hero Rizal. When I took the subject Rizal, I only knew one thing about him. He is our national hero- that's all. As the semester goes by and passes by swiftly. I became interested of the hero's life, works and writings. First, a single book, then another, after the other, some more. Until questions bloat up in my mind out of curiousity and confusions. Is Rizal gay? was he guilty of the sedition? was he innocent? and so many others. It came to a point where i asked, was he an idealist or a realist? confusing isn't it?

yesterday was the rizal day of my student life, if i may call it. the week is about to end. tired and exhausted of the major projects and assignments, I still find time reading things about Rizal. First, yesterday was the day when i completely read the book of Zaide. Then, I watch the Rizal the movie with my classmates, late night I watch the Calamba Joe, again, a musical play about Rizal.

Rizal represents two sides of my life as a reflection. One side is the side of education and accomplishments. He instilled to every filipinos the love of education and the importance of being educated. the other side is the weakness in a relationship. the way i look at it.he failed in almost all his relationships. or if not, he would ran away at the point of intimacy.

Rizal was not just a hero, he was more of an ordinary mortal. like you he failed, hurt himself and move on.

hanggang pangarap na lang talaga ang lahat

i want to believe na ang lahat ng bagay na nangyayari sa mundo ay may dahilan. Ang pag-ihip ng hangin, ang pag-agos ng ulan, ang pagtawa natin, ang pagluha at lahat lahat ng emosyon ng tao. Lahat ng mga nakikita natin sa araw-araw ay may dahilan, mga palatandaan at ang mga taong maaring babago at magiging parte ng ating buhay. gusto kong maniwala sa lahat ngmga ito. On the other side of the coin, naiisip ko, papaano ako maniniwala sa mgs ito na alam ko mismo na may mga bagay talagang hindi pwedeng mangyari. Hindi ng lahat ng gugustuhin at nanaisin natin ay magkatotoo.

For the past months, naisip ko how thankful am i na nakilala si edgardo agustin navarro. I saw something in him na ako mismo di ko kayang maipaliwanag. Pinilit kong makilala pa siya ng husto, pero takot na itong puso kong magmahal pa muli. takot na baka isang araw, i will be in dark corner na walanmg patutunguhan. Masakit mang isipin pero ito ang katotohananng kailangan kong harapin. At habang maaga pa lang, dapat tigilan ko na ang nararamdaman. I'm not angry to anybody, pero naniniwala ako na kung para sa iyo ang isang bagay, it will really come. wag mong hanapin, hintayin mo lang.

The Kid

the night before christmas something happened to me. I don't know if that has significance to me as a person. For almost nineteen years of my life, I never experience to ride on a merry-go-round showcesed in the carnivals and amusement parks. And that nineteen years, I missed my childhood memories for i never enjoyed such ride when i was a kid. I can't believe I waited 19 years of my life just to ride that thing. I was hesitant at first. all the kids are on their way to ride. i was there too. the ride was fun. i never imagined it could be as enjoyable as watching my favorite movies or even more. Riding that thing made me realize that kids would always be kids. That 15 minute ride made me realized many things about life. Sometimes, we have to think that we're still kids to forget our problems or we have to fool ourselves and pretend that we're okay when in fact were deeply troubled inside. Sometimes we want to resign being a teenager and be a kid again. for you will not worry of problems in life. All you have to do is to think that candies and chocolates are the only thing that could make the world go round. You don't have to worry on brain cracking homeworks and the like. You just have to be yourself and enjoy life to the fullest.

Most of the time, i wonder, I want to be a kid again.

The Korean Idols

things yet to come

new chapter of rizal

my dream that one day......

saying goodbye to 2006, and saying hello to 2007!

bukas na walang hanggang, ikaw ang lahat sa akin.

will i forget you? how can i control my heart if it still beats for you?
and if now is not the time to love, will it be on a vague tommorrow?
or forever in be my love on my dreams?

Did i regret the things that happened in my life? of course not. I wouldn't be who i am today if i regret those moments when people hurt me badly.

I don't feel the spirit of christmas. Another year will end, and a new one will start. Looking back on the past year, i have learned so many things in life. All of those experiences taught me lessons that made me more meticulous and careful.

thank God for a new day

kahit hindi ako ganoon ka sersyoso in religion classes, but strong ang faith ko sa kanya. there were times that I want to question and complain to him why do I have to experience pain. why me of all people. All these questions bothered me everytime i'm in the lowest point of my life.there were times that i thought of committing suicide just to solve all my problems. But i was wrong, I realize that EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON and EVERYTHING HAS ITS OWN PURPOSE.

I thank all the people who offended me and hurt me badly. I thank them for opening my eyes that after grieving life has to go on and move on. I thank them for giving me pain that lead me to revenge, and that revenge is success in my academic life. I thank them for breaking my heart into pieces, with it i'm getting numb. I thank them for the moments that they shared with me, the moments which seemed to be all hypocrisies. I thank them for that, cause if they did'nt, i wont be meticulous in choosing friends. I won't.

Life is not about being the best, but its about bringing out the best in you. I felt insecure when i don't have things that other people have. I pity myself for such unimportant material thing in life. Everytime I experienced these kind of feelings, I feel i 'm the most unfortuunate creature on earth. AGAIN, THE MOST UNFORTUNATE CREATURE ON EARTH. I tried to fight back the tears. I tried to live my life the best way as I could. Although most of the time I pity myself, I still stand up straight with poise telling everybody that I am what I am.

I don't care if my friends are not campus figures, popular, fashionista, or whatever its called [ social climber?] Because they are true. and I would always find a friend in them. They made me think that if we hold on together, we can make this earth a better world to live in. [ song background, hawak kamay by yeng constantino... hawak kamay...]

Thank you Lord God for giving me my best buddies, Mhadol and my besy Honey Mae

If Love were Easy, Life would be too Simple

I strongly believe in fate. Each individual is born to be destined for somebody. But to start it up, we have to move to make these fate and destiny into reality. Yes, this may sound ridiculous, but fate and destiny are temporary illusions, and its our choice to make these into a permanent reality. Fate will lead us to the real happiness, happiness which we can equate to success and fullfilment of our goals in life. Destiny is undefinable if we do not know how to love, may it be parents, office mates, class mates, friends, and most of the time to the opposite sex. LOVE, DESTINY and FATE comes together in one way or the other. When we love, love as if there's no tomorrow> Love unconditionally, don't expect anything in return.
Love with all your heart. Forget the people around you. Be blind yet passionate. for its the key to your destiny..
Live, Love and Fulfill your destiny..

Intramuratic Fever

Sa dami -dami ba ng kailangan gawin sa buhay, bat kailangan pang makisawsaw sa mga bagay na hindi naman dapat kailangan bigyan ng pansin. The truth of the matter is, kahit anong iwas natin, its a human nature na makisawsaw sa mga intriga. Sa twing darating ang mga panahon na gaya nito, nakababagot na manood ng mga games. I assume, lahat ata gustong umuwi sa kanilang probinsya upang doon makipaglandi. Flirting, sa ingles. Well, ganito talaga ang second sem, habol dito habol don, kaso, nagmumukha na tayong aso sa kahahabol sa mga kapwa aso. Maiba nga ako. bakit ba, nakakainis ang intrams, why do i feel this intramuratic fever? wala kang makausap, wala kang kasama at wala kang magawa. Kulang na lang magpakamatay ka. Para wala ka ng isiping bukas. May mga teachers naman na walang patawad sa kakabigay assignment na para bang walang bukas. Di bale na lang ang intrams, basta wala lang assignments, pero hindi eh, mas ok pang walang intrams kasi, less assignment. So kakainis talaga. There are times that you think na bakit ba you always crave for challenge kahit ang totooy nagtatapang-tapangan ka lang. Why pretend?

Ang araw na ito ang isa sa pinakawalang kwentang araw ng buhay ko. Today is the day of my life that i did not give a thousand percent on my job, and i hate this feeling////

thursday the 23rd

kay bilis ding lumipas ang panahon at nalimutan ko na kung sino ako at ang buo kung pagkatao. Hindi na bago sa akin ang mga bagay nato. This is just one of a million times na nangyari sa akin ito. Nagbago man ang aking paningin sa mga bagay-bagay, nananatili pa rin akong matatag na may bukas pa rin. at ang bukas na yun ang magpapalaya sa aking masakit na kahapon.

Wala na akong hiniling pa sa Diyos, kundi ang maging maligaya. November is just one of the ordinary months of the year, apart from the fiesta and the intramurals-everything is normal. Until one day, naging special sa aking ang buwewan na 'to. Simula pa lang ng class, mag-isa lang ako, wala ang tropa, at shocks, nag-iisa ka in most of your subjects. Cool. Ikaw ang star. Palibhasa wala kang ka kompetensya. When I learned that my math 11 teacher was the terrorist. I drop it agad. No second thoughts about it. Deciding on what to add, eh, naghistory na lang ako. Rizal. Ok? solve agad di ba?

In the afternoon, pumasok agad ako sa History 41 ko. hmm.. seems like wala ang teacher. But k lang. My attention was focused sa isang cute na chinito three chairs away from me. Cute sya yun lang.

Pero habang tumatagal lalong lumalala ang paghanga ko sa kanya. habang tumatagal parang nahuhulog ako kay ed. I don't know kung bakit. Ngayon ko lang sya nakita sa buong buhay ko. Pero para bang matagal na kaming magkakilala. he's so amazing. period. nag isip akong baka nga i like him.

As usuall, i ask for a sign. Nangyari. Nakita ko sya on the 23rd, thursday. Four times.

Its all coming back to me now

I thought, Nakalimutan ko na sya. Akala ko i have moved on. I mean, nabuhay ako the past months na hindi ko sya iniisip at hindi ko sya inaalala. KArma nga naman oo. Naging masama ang pagtrato ko sa kanya. I'm so mean. I waited eight months para makita ko sya. lintik na enrollment na yan. Bakit ba nag krius ang aming landas. Ang landas na walang patutunguhan. I don't know kung naiinis ako sa kanya o nagseselos. Galit ako sa kanya until now. Galit na galit at sukdulan hanggang langit. Bakit ko ba kailangan ipagduldulan ang sarili ko sa taong hindi na man magiging akin. I promise myself na hindi na ako maaaffeted but bakit ganoon, nakita ko lang sya, parang bumalik ang lahat. Bakit affected pa rin ako. Ba't hindi ko pa rin nalimot sya.

The Long Day is almost Over

Beating up deadlines, chasing teachers for projects, sleepless study nights and life-long lonelinesss. Perhaps these would describe my supercalifrgilisticexpialiducious schedule for the last three minutes before the semester ends. No problem, I got my coffee more then a usuall way. I felt i'm was sick for the last five months of my second year. Yes, I'm so sick of schooling. So sick of news articles. and so sick of meeting nothing but morons in the college. I hate to see people who would carry my blood up to my head. I hate to see dwarfs and pigs in school. I hate all of them. I hate that one-eyed woman who thinks shes pretty, which in fact she's not. Trying to avoid thinking of this monsters, I ask, what would be us next semester. what would be the next challenges in my academic life? and most of all, how many will be left behind for com22? How many? If I cant make it. I'd probably hang myself in one of those historcal acacia tree near Gay Hall. Or hang myself through the ball of the gates of knowledge. I swear I'll do that. I'm not that dumb. I'm just bored sitting 24/7 in a plastic chair listening to a bored to death matters about newswriting. Sometimes I failed in her exams, but most of the time I pass. But hey, thats not an assurance. Everything change. Even grades. Even people around you. even your friends and even the persons whom you thought would care for you.
If I were to evaluate this semester, many things worked out differently. I dont know why but I guess there's a reason behind it. Let me detailed the story.

jhay-ar, mhadol, meh,thea banded together. I dont know how it strated, but we just come together to fool around late at night. I dont know if i feel happy or sad about it, but things have really changed. When Joey left me, part of me is lost. Until now, I still care for him. Sad thing about it, i lost my bestfriend. I dont know how, it fades away like a wind. I thought it was easy for me na mawala si joey sa buhay ko, nakarma siguro ako, pati si bessy nawala na.. To make the long story short, I realize that the word friend does not exists. Ang tanging nabubuhay ay ang sarili mo, kaluluwa mo at konsyensya mo.

Next sem, I dont know baka wala na akong kilala. sad.hmmh.hmhm.hmhm