Its all coming back to me now

I thought, Nakalimutan ko na sya. Akala ko i have moved on. I mean, nabuhay ako the past months na hindi ko sya iniisip at hindi ko sya inaalala. KArma nga naman oo. Naging masama ang pagtrato ko sa kanya. I'm so mean. I waited eight months para makita ko sya. lintik na enrollment na yan. Bakit ba nag krius ang aming landas. Ang landas na walang patutunguhan. I don't know kung naiinis ako sa kanya o nagseselos. Galit ako sa kanya until now. Galit na galit at sukdulan hanggang langit. Bakit ko ba kailangan ipagduldulan ang sarili ko sa taong hindi na man magiging akin. I promise myself na hindi na ako maaaffeted but bakit ganoon, nakita ko lang sya, parang bumalik ang lahat. Bakit affected pa rin ako. Ba't hindi ko pa rin nalimot sya.

The Long Day is almost Over

Beating up deadlines, chasing teachers for projects, sleepless study nights and life-long lonelinesss. Perhaps these would describe my supercalifrgilisticexpialiducious schedule for the last three minutes before the semester ends. No problem, I got my coffee more then a usuall way. I felt i'm was sick for the last five months of my second year. Yes, I'm so sick of schooling. So sick of news articles. and so sick of meeting nothing but morons in the college. I hate to see people who would carry my blood up to my head. I hate to see dwarfs and pigs in school. I hate all of them. I hate that one-eyed woman who thinks shes pretty, which in fact she's not. Trying to avoid thinking of this monsters, I ask, what would be us next semester. what would be the next challenges in my academic life? and most of all, how many will be left behind for com22? How many? If I cant make it. I'd probably hang myself in one of those historcal acacia tree near Gay Hall. Or hang myself through the ball of the gates of knowledge. I swear I'll do that. I'm not that dumb. I'm just bored sitting 24/7 in a plastic chair listening to a bored to death matters about newswriting. Sometimes I failed in her exams, but most of the time I pass. But hey, thats not an assurance. Everything change. Even grades. Even people around you. even your friends and even the persons whom you thought would care for you.
If I were to evaluate this semester, many things worked out differently. I dont know why but I guess there's a reason behind it. Let me detailed the story.

jhay-ar, mhadol, meh,thea banded together. I dont know how it strated, but we just come together to fool around late at night. I dont know if i feel happy or sad about it, but things have really changed. When Joey left me, part of me is lost. Until now, I still care for him. Sad thing about it, i lost my bestfriend. I dont know how, it fades away like a wind. I thought it was easy for me na mawala si joey sa buhay ko, nakarma siguro ako, pati si bessy nawala na.. To make the long story short, I realize that the word friend does not exists. Ang tanging nabubuhay ay ang sarili mo, kaluluwa mo at konsyensya mo.

Next sem, I dont know baka wala na akong kilala. sad.hmmh.hmhm.hmhm

Mga di mapantayang kwento ng isang kolehiyala

lahat ata ng college pipz naranasan na ang mga kalbaryo sa buhay. I thought ganoon lang ang lahat, study, and pass your exams. Pero hindi eh, ibang college ang nakita ko. Eto yung kung kelan palapit na ang finals saka bubundok ang mga requirements. Anak ng papel! paper works here, paper works there,papers everywhere. Siguro isinumpa na ang course namin na sumulat hanggang sa aming kamatayan. Ewan ko ba kung bakit pa ako nag rereklamo eh, kagustuhan ko kayang maging isang mamamhayag. Sa kahit anong lingwahe pwede na huwag lang bisaya, naku! baka langgan at ipis lang ang babasa ng sulat ko. Nakakabaliw ang course ko. Sabi ng marami, ito raw ang madaling kurso, I mean, no board gaya ng ibang course at higit sa lahat, pa cute ka lang sa camera o papogi sa newspaper. People nga naman o, walang ibang magawa kundi ang manira ng kurso. Hindi ko rin sila masisisi, eh, halos totoo naman ang sinasabio nila eh. Medyo pagod na rin ako sa kakaisip na ipaglabanang course ko sa kanila. Sa halip eh, ako na rin mismo ang sumira sa kurso ko. Simulan na natin ang mahabang diskusyong ito. Nakakatawa ang mga tao sa aming college. Lahat ata parang donuts, iba ibang kulay at iba iba rin ang lasa. Minsan, nagkaroon ako ng professor na sobrang kikay. Sa sobrang color oriented, para siyang chameleon- yung tipo bang anong kulay na mahawakan eh, yun na rin ang magiging kulay niya. Ganyan mismo si maam. Pag pink ang color of the day, naka pink siya. O di ba bonga.!! pero in fairness sobrang malaki magbigay ng grades. na mi miss k tuloy siya. Kung student org lang naman ang pag-uusapan, wala ng mas pangit pa sa org namin. KAPUNUNGAN SA MGA MASS COMMUNICATORS KMC, kung tawagin. ito ang org na parang zoo. lahat ng hayop at insekto kumpleto. May aso, odie kung tawagin. May baboy, at anak pa ng baboy. Hindi rin mawawala ang mga paepal, at feeling maganda. Higit pa sa zoo animals ang org namin. may kahalo pang mga halimaw at mga hayop na sa kathang isip lamang makikita. May presidenteng sing liit ng dwarf ni snow white, at kasing boses pa ni mahal. Ayyy,, nakakabaliw. Pero may genyo din sa org, tipong matalino at gwapo.. itago natin sa pangalang dirgy. liban doon. mga maligno na ang mga ksali sa org. ewan ko ba kung bakit ako sumali sa kmc, siguro nadala na rin ako sa mga clasmates kong panay tulak sakin na sumali sa eleksyon. Nagsawa na rin ako sa kaka adjust sa mga taong wala dito ang character. Hmm.. I mean di ko maka jive sa kanila. Nainis rin ako sa treasurer naming iisa lang ang mata- yung bang anak ni captain hook. sobrang feeling maganda, akala mo iya na ang pinakamagandang kabayo sa balat ng lupa. Hay, wala na ever. Wala na akong masabi pa. Nagsisisi rin ako minsan kasi malaki ang pagkukulang ko sa council. Naging pabaya ako in other words. At least nakita ko ang sarili ko sa pagiging pabaya sa council. Ito yung pagiging usisera sa mga koreano. Mga koreanong nagpapatibok ng aking puso. Una, si joey, yun bang anak ng kangaroo, pero di naglaon, nag break din kami. wala lang- it did not work out. Pangalawa si jung seoung, naging teleserye ang tagpo at hiwalay naming dalawa, pinagtagpo sa aksidente at pinaghiwalay sa aksidente. Malas nga naman talaga, mahal ko pa naman yun. Pero sa awa ng Diyos ok na siya. At pinakabago kong pantasya ay walang iba kundi ang tutor kong si Jin young. ewan ko ba mahal ko na ata siya. feeling ko masasabi ko ang mga katagang he makes my day. Ang sagwa noh??

Pero manalo matalo, mag brown out man o hindi, hindi pa rin bababa ang presyo ng gasolina. At lalong hindi bababa ang tuition fee ng silliman. Kaya ang nararapat gawin huwag mag aral. Maging prosti na lang>>>

Kwentong Baliw

There are always options in life, kung baga sa palengke, bargain, tawaran, para mas popular. I realize that we have to accept things that we cannot change. Sometimes dpat nating tanggapin na tayo ay talunan. Walang laban at bobo. Ilang beses na rin akong naging tanga no, at sa daming beses ng pagiging tanga ko, hindi pa rin ako natauhan. di ko na ata mabilang kung ilang beses kong inuntug ang aking ulo sa pader para lang matauhan, pero wala pa rin eh, heto parin ako ipinanganak na tanga. Ngek, pabalik balik lang ata ako sa kakasulat nito. Iim stupid. Im sick. et al. Anak ng bobo naman oh,Magdadapit hapon noon, andoon ako, palakad lakad, pakembot kembot at para bang gustong magpakamatay sa lungkot at lumbay. Ilang beses rin akong nag isip kung paano ako magpapakamatay. Ang dami kong naging choices- magbigti, uminom ng muriatic acid. hindi huminga sa gitna ng com 21 class, o kayay matulog ng mahimbing na wala ng bukas. Sa dami na choice ko, di ko na alam kung saan at ano ang dapat gawin.Pero, nawala rin sa isip ko ang pagpapakamatay, sa halip naghanap ako ng bagong kakagiliwan, ang tutor kung medyo stupid. sarap sabunutan, sampalin at higit sa lahat halikan. hehe. ang sagwa ko no? Masarap kasama ang tutor ko, sobrang kulit, chismoso at hindi mapigil ang bibig. Cute rin naman sya. kaso nga lang, may katabaan. konti lang naman. Cute ng tutor ko! talaga. swear.Dahil sa pagod na ako, at inaantok na ipagpapatuloy ko ito sa susunod na kabanata.

Sometimes. SWhut Up

There are times that we have to keep our mouth shut just to be safe. That doesn't mean that we are curtailling the freedom of expressions but rather taking a line on where to darw the right from wrong. Quiet Roland. Be calm and still. There are things in this world that we just have to sit down and do nothing to about it. We have to be numb in order to forget the past and ignored that we've been deeply hurt by the people around us. I have to be blind and deaf of what I saw and what I've heard.

Life nga naman parang buhay

Lahat naman tayo nagbabago. Sometimes, we cannnot accept the fact na nagbago tayo. But we have to accept that we really changed. I thought ganoon kadali ang mag move on and mag pretend na kaya ko, kahit ang totoo ay hindi mo kaya. " Kaya Ko! but deep inside, ouch! ang sakit! " kaplastikan blues ang tawag dyan. Pilit kong paniwalaan ang sarili ko that I really had moved on, partly oo, partly hindai ang naging result. But alam nyo, when we are angry sa isang tao, hinahanapan natin sya ng mga mali just to convince ourselves na hindi na sya mahalaga sa buhay natin. At habang patuloy nating pinapaniwala ang iba na wala na sya sa ating buhay, eh, patuloy naman nating niloloko ang ating sarili. Yan ang trademark nating mga pinoy.
Pero dumating ang pagkakataon sa buhay ko na ang isang pagkukunwaring nalimot ko na ang isang tao ay nahantong sa katotohanan. Lahat ata ng classmates ko alam na kung gaano ako ka inlove kay Joey Park. Hindi ko naman maitanggi dahil mahal ko talaga sya. Wala lang patuloy ko lang silang hinayaan sa pag chichismiss sa mahiwaga kong pagmamahal sa kanya. Kaya ang ending dumating sa kanya ang balita. Eh, anong nangyari, deadma lang sya, palibhasa ipinanganak na manhid. As in manhid, capital D-O-G. hahaha..
There was a point na nawala din yung feelings ko sa kanya. Dahil sa kabatuhan nya at pagiging insensitive, naku, walang taong makaka survive sa aura nya. grabe.
But you know what, when worst comes to worst, worst pa rin yun lang.

Kaya ngayon nagbabagong buhay na ako. Isang bibo, kung gawing o ang i maging bobo.

Kaya hanggang sa muli.. ito si katangahnag Roland goodbye.

Let's get acquianted!!

Wala'y mga lingaw

A Prayer for a Friend.

The only reason why i didnt take up nursing is because i have a phobia in blood. Yes, there is a part of me that wants to take up nursing for practicality's sake. Dollars, cars, mansion, name it, then a nurse can have it. Following the whisper of my heart, here I am taking up Mass Communication. Afterall, this is my passion. Life!
My life is concentrated on the four walls of Guy Hall. The old building serves as my training ground as I continue to quest for excellence as mass media practitioner.
My anger and pain to all nurses goes down deep into my bones. Why are those people taking that stupid course? Why? Et al.

A beautiful Sunday excites me to wake up early to attend a retreat of a religion class. The fact that it is a required activity for the class; and the truth that my crush is attending. Then here I come playing such immoral act of flirting just to get the attention of Samuel. Eventually my attention turn to other things - the scenery was great. The bridge, the river, the sea, the cottages gave me the nerve to appreciate the beauty of the world. The cold wind that blew my face gives me a courage to move on and forget about Joey. At least, in one way or the other I stay away from thinking of him, which will end up of being afraid in the future that we can never be together.

Being confused with religion and spirituality, I was challenged with something that renew my entire self . The meditations calm me down, and refresh my mind from the stress. Yes, the purpose of the retreat was successful on my side. The 250 peso contribution was worth it.

Finally we reached the end of the retreat. He drove his motor alone. As I watched him getting farther from me. A loud noise crashed the serenity of the place. I rushed to the place where the noise came from. I cannot believe that it was him lying in blood along the street. The incident was fast. I can’t even recall how did I get there and most of all how did I ended up hugging him with his bloody clothes. I hold his hand as tight as tight as I could, I can feel his breath as I go near him holding his head. My tears just feel from my eyes, And I cannot control my emotion but just sob in sadness. Just as I arrived at the hospital, my heart was beating like the beat of drums in a festive event of Sinulog event. The next thing I knew he is in a choma state. I cant help but ask the doctor the condition. " He's on the stage 7 of critical condition." What is the posibility of it? Possibilty? He will die.

My vision became blurred- it was a black sunday.

Joey Forever!

KISS:
Keep
It
Simple,
Stupid

Love Potion

A magic just filled the air unconsciously as I let each day passed. Yes, I tried my best to regain my identity eventhough I know for fact that it will hurt many people. While I was on the process of rediscovering myself I didn’t notice the people around me. I was surrounded with selfishness and greed and my natural milieu then was the dark side of life. I keep on moving on to a place where I want to test the limit of my soul. There was a point along my journey when I was about to give up with all the things I want to achieve. I was totally hopeless that I just want to be alone and enjoy the company of my spirit and mind, which goes along with my heart. That was the time when I forgot that God is still there waiting for me. I’m not religious in the first place. But there’s something within me that I can’t just ignore. And finally at this very moment I realize how great God is, how did He show me that life is still wonderful.
How did I know that was magic?

The moment I touch his shoulders trying to feel at the very buttom of my self his scent and the longing to hug him so tight, I didnt realize that I have found the answers Ive been asking since I know him. I still love him more that anybody else in this world. No matter how I deny that I Have given up, But myself keeps on telling me that I cannot hide, I can only run. And running away isnt a good way of testing your emotions. I tried to let go, but I was such a fool letting him go out of my life. Why will I take my happiness away from me? Why do I have to make things complicated when I can make it easy and simple?

I want to spread my wings up high and tell the entire world that I still love him. Yes.. Sarang Hejo, Joey.
Why cant you see it..

One day I just smell that the scent was magic>> yes a mgic of love

Mostly Mozart

the cool breeze of the night gave me a feeling of being romantic. that is why im wearing formal wear that night just to give value to my emotion. finally i reached the venue of a required activity of my fine arts class. nothing knew about it. it was just i'm excited to tolerate the extreme boredom of the night, maybe that would qualify me to be a magna cum laude. my teacher once told me that to be a magna or a summa cum laude we should have high tolerance on boredom. And I pass that test, i was able to ease almost three hours of dead harmony and music of Mozart. But that did not ruin my night. Rudolf, the pianist is very gwapo and the like et.al., but his beauty did not win back my interest on listening attentively on mozarts stupid music. So chances are, i have to talk with my pals while waching and listening the show. Hmm.... and hour after, the boredom didnt go intense, instead, we were talking and laughing all night since we open issues about crushes and lovelife. And to sum up that very long story i made an analysis out of it.

Greek- is a word for people in Greece, but in Silliman it is a name that would tickle your heart out. Quiet, complicated, but it would make you flirt the moment when you glance him up on the upper seats in his elegant and seductive red sexy shirt, oh, el greco!!!! in fact this became an argument of the night of who owns, him? Jhay ar? Bes? Mhadol? Me? Funny Folks isnt it?

Korean- a term used to identify a person in Korea. but last night, that word is means love. recalling last weeks event, I was able to establish a love team in a polsci class, Kim Jin. just a flick to spice up my polsci class. Boo Bae, a BC classmates who knew my secrets about my hidden romance on joey park. Joo Hye, who agreed to call her sis, as an endearment name. Peter, my bestfriends new dream boy, Miji, shin, and many more korean friends.. too many to mention. And most of all my true love Joo Young.

This night, is just one worth to remember...

A New day had just begun....

Nothing new at all..
I'm just happy.......
with ....
my.....
new
BLOG!!!